Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Dating is the devil

I truly suck at this. Actually, there's quite a lot in life that I suck at. But THIS takes the cake. I told you all I'd be writing as often as possible, and just LOOK at what happened. Shocked? I'm not. Typical, fickle, Steph. Starting projects but never finishing them. Yup.

Okay so first thing is first: I'm single again. Yup. Knew it was coming, really. He was a liar with an Oedipus complex, the likes of which I'd never seen in person until 8 months into our relationship. Oi! Talk about a situation I'm glad to be free from... I ended things shortly after they'd "started" again because I caught him red handed in the biggest lie I'd ever heard. So I said goodbye. And here...I...am.

If you're reading this, please take a word of advice from me and CHECK YOUR CREDIT EVERY YEAR. Every single stinkin' year. Because if you don't, and this tale is as true as the day is long, you may find out that back in 2005 someone used your information to lease an apartment and then bail on the lease, thus tarnishing your good name and making it nearly impossible for you to rent an apartment and forcing you to live with your parents at the tender are of 27. TRUE STORY. Living with the parental units at this age is NOT something you want to do. Nope. Not at all. Aaaaaand let me tell you what wonders that little fact happens to be doing for my dating life. Ugh.

Speaking of my "dating life", let me make it clear that I absolutely effing despise dating with a fiery passion. Seriously. I hate it. I am an extremely open and honest person, and I don't play games. But cheese & rice, people! This world is chock full of men who play mind games and are ridiculously hard to get close to. I've been single for (hold up, gotta count) six months now and I decided I was ready to date about a month and a half ago. Not being the type to peruse the local watering hole for a date (ew) I decided to try my hand at online dating. Dear Lord, what a mess that is. Apparently subjecting yourself to online dating means you must be extremely effing desperate and more likely to lower your standards, 'cause every horny tool within a 70 mile radius has sent me a message looking to hook up.... I DONT WANT TO SLEEP WITH STRANGERS! Shiz! I want a REAL relationship! You know, one of those things where you actually like (and eventually love) each other? Where communication and adoration and affection and hot, steamy, primal love-making ABOUNDS? I don't want a relationship right this very second or anything, but I'd like to find the path that is at least going to get me there in a few months/year/whatever.

I have been out with 3 guys since deciding dating was an absolutely amazing (gag me with an overly large spoon) idea.

First there was Youth Pastor. Youth Pastor was very sweet and full of compliments. He played guitar in a band and also at his church, and seemed like a very kind person, but honestly bored the ever lovin' crap out of me and to top it all off, every post of his on Facebook that I read made me automatically hear Eeyore's voice in my head. Oh, so negative, whiney, and self loathing! After he asked me over and over again for almost a week, I gave in and we finally went out for ice cream. While I do love me some ice cream, it was the most boring date EVER. He had virtually nothing to talk about and I felt like I was carrying the conversation at all times. The stories he did share with me went something along the lines of "So I got a DUI in 2008 and have a breathalyzer installed in my car" and "So I got a DUI in 2008 and have a breathalyzer installed in my car" (Sorry, every story he told after the DUI story was overshadowed by that one and that's really all I can remember) ... Total beating. I got home and later told him I just wasn't feeling it. The very next afternoon, after getting tired of the increasing negativing emanating from every single FB post he made, I discreetly deleted him and called it a day. Of course I received the "Why did you delete me?" message that tends to follow moves such as that, but I conveniently forgot to reply with my reasoning. Oops.

A few days later, while sorting through the cesspool of male hormones and toxic waste that made up my online dating inbox, I found a message from a guy that actually had a personality! His humor seemed directly on par with my own and we texted for days and days, and never once ran out of things to talk about. I could tell he had an amazing brain, one I'd have fun picking apart if I ever got the chance. We went out after texting and talking on the phone for a week or two and had a great time. Food, mini-golf, starbucks and LOTS of talking. Decided to have a 2nd date. And a 3rd date. And a 4th date. The morning after 4th date (after he'd FINALLY kissed me), I was grinning from ear to ear on the way to in to work when I heard the familiar tone of a new text message hitting my inbox. I hoped it'd be from him, and sure enough it was. Not just ONE text message, but TWO! Hot damn! I gleefully opened the message and read the first line: "Hey. I know this isn't the kind of message you want to get in the morning..." *gulp* My beautiful little flower of childlike giddiness at the prospect of having a legitimate crush on a guy completely wilted when I read those words. Turns out he just "wasn't feeling it" and things felt "forced and awkward". Could have fooled me. Seemed like he was feeling it quite well when we were making out on his couch the night before... I have to admit that I thought the entire thing was a joke. My reply (and ouch, I feel like an idiot) was "Are we being serious right now?". "Yup". "Ah, okay. Well thanks for your honesty. Have a good Thanksgiving". *facepalm* all the way. I felt like a gigantic idiot as I replayed the previous night's events in my head, dissecting everything I had said and done in an attempt to understand what had gone wrong. By days end I had given up and chocked it up to my general awkwardness and bad dating luck, but I couldn't shake the awful rejected feeling that weighed heavily upon my self esteem that day.

Le sigh.

Dating absolutely blows.

Wow. I am becoming increasingly bitter. Gonna hold off on writing until after I've had some dinner. Seems like the perfect evening to heat up an enchilada and some rice and eat my feelings.


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